Even the most ”PERFECT” behavior can be unhealthy if it’s seen as a rule.
”I don’t do that. I don’t eat this. I don’t drink that. I don’t go to bed after xxx.”
I’ve been so f** scared to fall into addictions again so I’ve cut out so much pleasure in my life.
That’s true, AND I also realized that this is just an old story I created to protect myself from uncomfortable feelings and from allowing myself to expand and transform.
The only thing rules gives you is the limitation of trusting yourself and living your life to the fullest.
Everytime you ban yourself from things - you also minimize your own capacity.
~
I’m no longer a victim driven by my old fears.
The true wisdom within me knows that I won’t be addicted to caffeine again (and drink 8 cups + 3 energy drinks + 5 caffeine pills per day) just because I broke my 2,5 years caffeine-sobriety by having a FREAKING awesome double espresso in the sunset, on a beach, with a person that I love and respect - For the reason of pleasure, not for craving artificial energy.
…Or well okay, I was constipated as well that day, so that was the main reason from the beginning. ?
I have to remind myself every day that the reason behind our daily choices and actions are constantly changing.
The caffeine-addicted 25 year old girl back then, made her decisions based on the fear of not having enough energy to be able to impress her surroundings by being at the gym at 04:30 am, working 12 hours a day with her own companies, partying all night and wake up the day after with the exact same energy level. The decisions I make today are no longer based on the fears that the younger version of me experienced a few years ago.
But the fact that I was in a deep, dark addiction a few years ago - and the value I was putting in the achievement of being able to flip the coin and become a yogi-tea-herbal-goddess-coffeehater-iamsohealthy kind of person.
To see that, to understand and to lovingly face that fear and challenge the "Black or White", "All or Nothing" "0 or 100" little monkey within me… Ahhh, that was just such a revolutionary gift for me.
I believe that we all have different approaches to finding balance in life. And balance friends, wow it should not be underestimated how challenging it is to find balance (let's save that topic for a separate post?).
However, the strategy that has helped me the most is to go from one extreme to the other on the spectrum and from there, gradually and carefully find the middle, the balance.
What is your relationship to balance and how does that relationship affect your life?
I love this topic and feel so passionate to make space for it and talk about it since my experience is that this is something many of us struggle with. So, I'm here for you if you want to share your thoughts, feelings, stories around this subject or if you simply just want to chat about anything else that's on your mind.
Anonymously or openly, here or to matilda@brahmaki.com ?
~
Who doesn’t want to be able to sit at a tavern in Italy and sip on a cappuccino and a freshly baked croissant without any anxiety or fear?
With love/Matilda